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The eternal spiral of feeling stuck

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A colleague buying a car. 

A friend shifting to a higher pay. 

A cousin paying EMIs for a new house.

The triggers for feeling not enough in life are multiple. On some days, they feel so strong, your own accomplishments feel tiny. You compare – we took the same classes, worked at the same grade of companies, started at the same CTC, so where did I go wrong.

Was it the pay cut I took? 

Was it the career switch? 

Or was it wrong all along….

The mind doesn’t settle on justification and logic. It rides down the spiral of ‘what ifs’, fanning the air to an impending anxiety breakdown. 

Mind you, I do not feel jealous of them, rather I feel proud of their achievements, but a dark corner lurks and questions my ability to ever achieve any of those milestones. 

Then a kind friend applies a numbing balm over my anxiety with her words. Assures me that I have achieved a lot, maybe not through a new house or car but by being the responsible one. By providing and shouldering responsibilities most people my age are privileged enough to not bear. 

Her words plug the tear ducts, set my logic wheels rolling again. Make me feel a little prouder of who I have become.

Till another time says anxiety and waves goodbye with a smile.

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